Wednesday, March 28, 2007

R-evolution, Revelation

Someone I know thinks we came from monkeys. I guess that's what he means when he says I am ignoring the 'scientific explanation' of one of life's profoundest mysteries: Where do we come from? My revelation today is not that I have evolved successfully from having a tail and scratching my buttock half the time (while happily sniffing my clan members' buttocks the other half), but that slowly, I may be experiencing a r-evolution at this stage of life.

So what is this r-evolution? Because I am the author of this post and whatever I say goes, simply, it stands for reverse evolution. But unlike a logical step-by-step rewinding of our supposed-genetic roots which would lead us to assume we should end up being monkeys again, it is becoming increasingly obvious that I, for one, am turning into a bitch, a pig, an owl and yes, a monkey.

A bitch. While I have never considered myself to be bitchy, today proved to be one of the most irritable (and rather frustrating) days of my life. Hormones may have had a part to play, certain irritants another, but overall, I am becoming a bitch. Gah. I shall not elaborate for fear of irrefutably proving my point. However, suffice to say that if you like your impression of me unsoiled and untainted, you had better stay away these few days.

A pig. This transformation is one of the most universal. Of course, for it to flourish, you'd need several conditions like a sufficient income, a high penetration of round-the-clock, cheap food stalls and the right company to pig out with you, i.e. those who aren't Fitness First evangelists. Add to that the silly fact that hanging out with friends almost always occurs over food and drinks. If I found another social environment for people to hang out sans the calories (or sweat, as in the case of playing futsal to bond), I might actually be remotely rich.

An owl. I do not sleep. Thus, I am going cuckoo (pronounced koo-koo). Koo! Koo!

A monkey. As long as you're not the master, you're a monkey.

I rest my case.

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