Monday, June 26, 2006


I am watching a company of black ants exploring a white wall. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. There are seven black ants wandering aimlessly on a white wall. I wonder why they don't just form a bloody trail. Are they lost? Low on pheromones? Two meet, then disperse again. More stragglers examine the table's terrain.

Even though the days are short, I haven't been doing much. Winter doesn't embrace strangers like a friend. It's too selective. I am of tropical blood, raised on a bed of sunshine and created to flourish in warm weather. I want to go out, to make use of the limited warmth that winter allows in, but I have been indoors all day. I am not in Australia to be indoors all day.

I don't feel like a tourist, yet I don't feel like a native either. I just feel like a returning overseas student, and I'm not sure if I like the feeling very much. Tourist spots don't really excite me because I've seen them before (those I've seen anyway). Staying at home seems a waste of money. I didn't come all the way here to stay at home all day. Going out feels like a better option, because I'm here for a limited time only, but I don't know where to go.

Then again, I can't go out every single day. I sometimes wish I were born richer; that I could buy anything I wanted to under the sun, but no. Reality says one Aussie dollar is RM2.745, and that I am relatively poor. Already, I am/will be freeloading off my pal and her housemates, my uncle and her aunt. Some days you go out, some days you stay in. Accept that.

I am watching a black ant carry some food off to its home. Darn you, freeloader! Get your own room and food!

I think I almost understand what it's like to be an ant now.

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